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i refused to accept
the truth you repeated
because it didn't fit
my aspiration a puzzle
each piece designed
with a delusional jigsaw
i want nothing but to see you thrive
and i realize now that i can't decide
how you do that, when, or why
but at least you're in my life
your words were clear
as a dagger made of ice
sharp like a gust
biting through my mind
but i have a way to dull down
things that i don't like
fall into a cloud
in the sky of my mind
i want nothing but to see you thrive
and i realize now that i can't decide
how you do that, when, or why
but at least you're in my life
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no matter where i explore
and what i do
i look for signs of you
i can hear whatever
there are no rules
I always hear your name
stories are nothing
but long mazes
with signs pointing to you
i don't see pictures
There's nothing to see
but your face hidden behind
i don't sleep anymore
i don't feel peace
unless you're on my mind
my brain no longer works for me
all it does is circle
around a thought of you
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i try not to think in tweets
but i also idolize birds
maybe i should sing more
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today i heard a sound
twice i heard it actually
each time it enters my ear
the sound shakes my ear drum
which my brain translates into meaning
when that shaking is interpreted as your name
my brain sends a wave of feeling
down my spine
and straight to my heart
which creates a surge of blood
throughout the rest of my body
my lungs feel it and collapse
my eyes feel it and widen
my stomach feels it and clenches
and my pores open up and leak moisture
the sound of your name from another’s lips
causes a physical sensation so visceral
it’s like driving over a hill faster than normal
and your car gets a slight amount of air
so you’re caught in zero gravity for a millisecond
and your stomach drops
and your lungs deepen
and you feel excited
it’s a rush
of feeling
that you can’t control
and your eyes water
and if you blink too much they may leak
so you take a deep breath
nod your head
and act like that feeling is tolerable
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Productivity
I feel that I am lacking
In this department
The severity
Of my boredom
Seems to know no end
The proclivity
For staying on a routine
That involves doing very little
Productivity
Is replaced with
Excuses to make me feel it
The severity
Of my motivation
Is no where to be found
The proclivity
For rewarding myself
For thinking about doing something
Productivity
Is what I study
It feels like a joke
The severity
Of this joke
Seems to make it less funny
The proclivity
For laughing
At the things that I should care about